Listen to Erathoniel ranting on and on in good ol' conservative Christian fashion.
Published on August 16, 2008 By erathoniel In Life Journals

For a long time (many years, at least three [tells you a lot about my bookkeeping, doesn't it?]), I have been fighting an addiction to pornography. To tell you the truth, it had to end. It was my greatest shame in my life, and keeping it secret was killing me. I tried, over and over, to quit, but was deterred from help, and then, I honestly turned to God. Why? Because I am greater than the addiction. For years it had fed, often on a daily basis, aided by the internet and easy access to materials, but no more. For multiple days I have been free, and the desires have not returned. However, I still need prayer and support, because at any time I could relapse, as I have in the past, and I do not want to go back to a life of shame and secrecy like the one I have lead. So, please, say a prayer for me, and give me any advice you can give.


Comments (Page 1)
on Aug 16, 2008

When I was a kid, I got ahold of this Cheech and Chong album called Big Bambu.  One of the tracks had this line on it from this ex-junkie that was wandering the streets.  "You know?  Before...I was all messed up on drugs, but since I've found the lord....now I'm all messed up on the lord."

 

So my advice is, (and I've seen a LOT of people do this), be careful not to substitute an addiction to God for an addiction to something else.  Don't get me wrong.  I respect anyone that wants to worship whatever, regardless of my own personal feelings on that subject.  I'm just saying that worshipping God and being addicted to God are two totally different things.

on Aug 17, 2008

I'm gonna be arrogant again, and say that I'm not the kind who fails like that.

on Aug 18, 2008

I just went back. I shouldn't have. Now I wonder if it's possible to kick the habit.

on Aug 19, 2008

Back again today.

on Aug 19, 2008

I don't think porn itself is a problem.  Being a slave to something obviously is, and too much reliance on porn can cause problems in real life relationships.

Do you have a relationship with a woman or is that something you're even interested in?  I get the impression that you have not ever been in a relationship.  I would focus on making connections with real women. 

If you are compelled and can't stop looking, install a block on your computer so you can't access porn. Just make sure someone else (your mom?) has the admin priviledges.  You live at home, right?  Am I confusing you with someone else?

The less time you spend on porn, the less you'll come to rely on it and less compulsion you'll feel to constantly go back to it.

on Aug 19, 2008

I don't think porn itself is a problem. Being a slave to something obviously is, and too much reliance on porn can cause problems in real life relationships.

It's an addiction. I don't want it, but I do it anyways, logically knowing I shouldn't.

Do you have a relationship with a woman or is that something you're even interested in? I get the impression that you have not ever been in a relationship. I would focus on making connections with real women.

How could I lie through an entire relationship? How can I find myself even worthy of asking?

If you are compelled and can't stop looking, install a block on your computer so you can't access porn. Just make sure someone else (your mom?) has the admin priviledges. You live at home, right? Am I confusing you with someone else?

I have a block. I'm making the password "auwjfbailowurmsnsi19", so it's not too easy to remember and type in. I'm the admin, but I don't like tampering with the block too often.

on Aug 19, 2008

I don't understand what the lie would be.

Listen, erathoniel, lots of men enjoy sexy images.  If a woman expects perfection from you, she's not worth being with anyways.  Just be honest.  

It's good that you have a block but obviously your plan isn't working.  Have you considering going forward at church and making your struggle public?  You might be surprised how many men you respect have battled the same problem, and you would have accountability on a grand scale.

 

on Aug 19, 2008

Listen, erathoniel, lots of men enjoy sexy images. If a woman expects perfection from you, she's not worth being with anyways. Just be honest.

Yes, I know, but I can't settle for imperfection in myself. I'd be honest, sure, but would anyone accept me?

It's good that you have a block but obviously your plan isn't working. Have you considering going forward at church and making your struggle public? You might be surprised how many men you respect have battled the same problem, and you would have accountability on a grand scale.

I have considered it, yes, and I know of many men I respect have battled this problem. However, I am a timid man, and I don't want to face the rejection of a crowd. It's what I need, yes, but I find that every time I start the sentence, it becomes something else, lost in the train of thoughts that flood my agonized mind.

on Aug 19, 2008

I'm just going to throw this out there. Start reading Savage Love - www.avclub.com/content/savagelove

If, after going through a few columns, you still think you have sexual issues, go see a sex counsellor, for you I'd recommend a religious one who doesn't think sex is bad, so avoid the Methodists and the Catholics. You want someone who's a bit embarrassing but totally discreet, because they won't judge and will be able to offer some good advice about picking up girls in the first place and getting over your addiction.

If you have an older brother/cousin/uncle (in a five-year age range, say) they might also be helpful, unless they're more repressed than you or you find them intimidating.

I'm assuming of course you have no close friends to discuss this with. If you do, go to them first. Chances are they're in the same boat, have fixed it and can advise you or you can come up a solution together (and no, I'm not recommending getting your rocks off together).

on Aug 20, 2008

I'm just going to throw this out there. Start reading Savage Love - www.avclub.com/content/savagelove

Well, it's nice to see people with problems, but it won't help me. It's not a source of help to that point.

If, after going through a few columns, you still think you have sexual issues, go see a sex counsellor, for you I'd recommend a religious one who doesn't think sex is bad, so avoid the Methodists and the Catholics. You want someone who's a bit embarrassing but totally discreet, because they won't judge and will be able to offer some good advice about picking up girls in the first place and getting over your addiction.

There is an organization like this at my church, specifically for men. This is the one that I am considering.

If you have an older brother/cousin/uncle (in a five-year age range, say) they might also be helpful, unless they're more repressed than you or you find them intimidating.

I don't really have older relatives in a close age range.

I'm assuming of course you have no close friends to discuss this with. If you do, go to them first. Chances are they're in the same boat, have fixed it and can advise you or you can come up a solution together (and no, I'm not recommending getting your rocks off together).

I've considered it, but it would be a burden to them, and I'm too reclusive (that's not the term, but it's all coming to mind) to seek it,

on Aug 20, 2008

In other words, you feel like this is a major problem, but you're not willing to do anything about it? 

 

on Aug 20, 2008

It's not nearly as hard to avoid pornography as it is to avoid lust.  The struggle isn't just with a computer, or a magazine, or an image - it's with everything you see.  I recommend the book "Every Man's Battle."  Use the library.  Maybe it's the solution.  But more important is having other Christian men praying with you and helping you.  It's not just you, it's every man.  Seriously.  Not necessarily pornography, but lust.

on Aug 20, 2008

It's not nearly as hard to avoid pornography as it is to avoid lust. The struggle isn't just with a computer, or a magazine, or an image - it's with everything you see. I recommend the book "Every Man's Battle." Use the library. Maybe it's the solution. But more important is having other Christian men praying with you and helping you. It's not just you, it's every man. Seriously. Not necessarily pornography, but lust.

I've heard of that, and I plan to get it as soon as possible.

In other words, you feel like this is a major problem, but you're not willing to do anything about it?

There are... extenuating circumstances. I'm fifteen. I don't want my family to suffer for my addiction.

on Aug 20, 2008

Ahhhhh....ok, that makes soooooo much more sense.

In that case, your parents need to restrict your computer usage.

on Aug 20, 2008

In that case, your parents need to restrict your computer usage.

Get the computer the HELL out of your room, and put it in a public place, where there's plenty of foot traffic and you're never really alone, for crap's sake.

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