When I was a kid, I got ahold of this Cheech and Chong album called Big Bambu.  One of the tracks had this line on it from this ex-junkie that was wandering the streets.  "You know?  Before...I was all messed up on drugs, but since I've found the lord....now I'm all messed up on the lord."

So my advice is, (and I've seen a LOT of people do this), be careful not to substitute an addiction to God for an addiction to something else.  Don't get me wrong.  I respect anyone that wants to worship whatever, regardless of my own personal feelings on that subject.  I'm just saying that worshipping God and being addicted to God are two totally different things.

I'm gonna be arrogant again, and say that I'm not the kind who fails like that.

I just went back. I shouldn't have. Now I wonder if it's possible to kick the habit.

Back again today.

I don't think porn itself is a problem.  Being a slave to something obviously is, and too much reliance on porn can cause problems in real life relationships.

Do you have a relationship with a woman or is that something you're even interested in?  I get the impression that you have not ever been in a relationship.  I would focus on making connections with real women. 

If you are compelled and can't stop looking, install a block on your computer so you can't access porn. Just make sure someone else (your mom?) has the admin priviledges.  You live at home, right?  Am I confusing you with someone else?

The less time you spend on porn, the less you'll come to rely on it and less compulsion you'll feel to constantly go back to it.

It's an addiction. I don't want it, but I do it anyways, logically knowing I shouldn't.

How could I lie through an entire relationship? How can I find myself even worthy of asking?

I have a block. I'm making the password "auwjfbailowurmsnsi19", so it's not too easy to remember and type in. I'm the admin, but I don't like tampering with the block too often.

I don't understand what the lie would be.

Listen, erathoniel, lots of men enjoy sexy images.  If a woman expects perfection from you, she's not worth being with anyways.  Just be honest.  

It's good that you have a block but obviously your plan isn't working.  Have you considering going forward at church and making your struggle public?  You might be surprised how many men you respect have battled the same problem, and you would have accountability on a grand scale.

Yes, I know, but I can't settle for imperfection in myself. I'd be honest, sure, but would anyone accept me?

I have considered it, yes, and I know of many men I respect have battled this problem. However, I am a timid man, and I don't want to face the rejection of a crowd. It's what I need, yes, but I find that every time I start the sentence, it becomes something else, lost in the train of thoughts that flood my agonized mind.

I'm just going to throw this out there. Start reading Savage Love - www.avclub.com/content/savagelove

If, after going through a few columns, you still think you have sexual issues, go see a sex counsellor, for you I'd recommend a religious one who doesn't think sex is bad, so avoid the Methodists and the Catholics. You want someone who's a bit embarrassing but totally discreet, because they won't judge and will be able to offer some good advice about picking up girls in the first place and getting over your addiction.

If you have an older brother/cousin/uncle (in a five-year age range, say) they might also be helpful, unless they're more repressed than you or you find them intimidating.

I'm assuming of course you have no close friends to discuss this with. If you do, go to them first. Chances are they're in the same boat, have fixed it and can advise you or you can come up a solution together (and no, I'm not recommending getting your rocks off together).

Well, it's nice to see people with problems, but it won't help me. It's not a source of help to that point.

There is an organization like this at my church, specifically for men. This is the one that I am considering.

I don't really have older relatives in a close age range.

I've considered it, but it would be a burden to them, and I'm too reclusive (that's not the term, but it's all coming to mind) to seek it,

In other words, you feel like this is a major problem, but you're not willing to do anything about it? 

It's not nearly as hard to avoid pornography as it is to avoid lust.  The struggle isn't just with a computer, or a magazine, or an image - it's with everything you see.  I recommend the book "Every Man's Battle."  Use the library.  Maybe it's the solution.  But more important is having other Christian men praying with you and helping you.  It's not just you, it's every man.  Seriously.  Not necessarily pornography, but lust.

I've heard of that, and I plan to get it as soon as possible.

There are... extenuating circumstances. I'm fifteen. I don't want my family to suffer for my addiction.

Ahhhhh....ok, that makes soooooo much more sense.

In that case, your parents need to restrict your computer usage.

Get the computer the HELL out of your room, and put it in a public place, where there's plenty of foot traffic and you're never really alone, for crap's sake.